I wish the “mommy wine” culture would go away. Just vanish. All the T-shirt puns. The memes. All the oversized wine glasses. And for the love of god, every single piece of “Pump and Dump” merchandise. Believe me – I’m not claiming to be the first to point out this twisted marketing mess. Goddesses Glennon, Annie, Clare, Lauren…and so many more…have helped us see just how mommy wine is perversely revered. But after a year of relapses, I believe I’ve earned the right to say “mommy wine” is irritating. Fucken irritating.
That said, I get it. I was one of those mommies a while back. When my youngest was a baby, I’d put him down for a nap. Then I’d hope to hell that my husband would take our 2.5-year-old somewhere so I could sit and have a glass(es) of wine in quiet. I’d joke around with my newfound mommy friends who had children the same age as mine. I’d snap photos of my wine glass and group text them with pride: #NAPWINE! (I’m hilarious…<eye roll>). Once, I even made the comment: “I’m a better mom when I drink.” I wince at that memory (and throw up in my mouth a little at its recall).
I’m sitting here now…trying to think of where to take this blog entry. I’m cautiously optimistic about this go-around in sobriety. It feels different. Nothing at all against AA; I know it’s helped countless men and women. But in the times I’ve tried, I’ve picked up faster and faster. Something about being immersed in the stories. Always talking about drinking, drugging, addiction. Just made me want to say, “see I didn’t end up under a bridge. I’m fine.” But that’s not how it goes. We know that. So this time, I choose to take AA’s “one day at a time” and apply it minute by minute while I reach out to you all for support.
And in this minute, that little baby, whose 1PM snooze gifted me nap wine, just climbed up into my lap. He’s five now, and he just told me I’m the “Bestest Mumma.” This minute will propel me into the next minute…and into the next hour, and the next…until tomorrow, when I hit Day 17.
So, fuck you, mommy wine culture. This Mumma doesn’t drink.